The Journey to Finding Myself


Not another blog post about an entitled millennial!

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash | Created on canva.com

Alright, bear with me on this one. It’s not every day you’d wake up to find yourself being a quarter-century old and realizing that you have yet to feel proud about something you’ve done with your bare hands. For the first time in my life, I am able to differentiate between “bear” and “bare”. That has got to count for something! ….right?

Ah, well. I shan’t be one of those millennial always seeking to be validated.

In all seriousness though, I do wanna talk the things I’ve learned in my 2018 so far, while at the same time launching my [latest] weekly blogging series called: Not Another: Millennia(L) Session. Your Monday Muse by moi. (I’m just giving myself more option to show up more on social media, tbh)

Now, story time! Best paired with freshly brewed coffee. (mine wasn’t fresh anymore when I took this pic)

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Hello hello! . I've been super quiet lately and and now I'm back hehe! 😎 . I was on an amazing break from work for the past three weeks. (Thanks Ramadhan!) 😴 . Sadly, I did not get a chance to enjoy getting food coma from all the open houses and glorious Raya food huhu 😢 . But I did rest up and evaluate on a lot of things in my life. 💡 . I've also been working on getting my head back into that work space. 👓 . [Basically: Trello, Emails, Production Documents] 💻 . My calendar is looking full with events, and honestly I'm anxious HAHA 😫 . I also scored my old VA job back (yay!). 😍 . Can you believe that it's almost July soon???? 👀 . Time sure flies!! Can't wait to drive the rest of my 2018 to full speed!! 💥 . [also, pls don't judge my coffee – I waited too long to take this picture in public lololol]

A post shared by Melinya Sarah 🇲🇾 (@melinya) on

I used to like calling myself Mel Of All Trades to make myself feel better when I just couldn’t decide on what I like to do best. I have lots of interest in many things other than audio and music, and this sort of dilemma has put me into a state of bipolar-type (using it lightly here you don’t have to yell ok) self-mental abuse on many occasions. I would either be super semangat or super depressed (again, light).

This year I started approaching life in a different way – allowing myself to just riding the wave. I had one simple reason: to have more time to create, discovering myself, and learning to love myself more. So my goals became more oriented towards improving on my available skills while at the same time learning how to leverage them for lucrative reasons.

*hehehehehe evil laugh

Has it been working out for me? You bet. My PR skills have improved, I’ve learned to expand my services within my niche and treat it more like a business, got myself some extra work to do outside of residency… etc etc. I’m doing things that I never thought I could ever do. And I definitely feel like I’m living the best life so far!!

Not my dream life. Just the best version of my life (so far) – good balance of optimal stress, good food, and lotsa rest. 😎

Now, over time, I will be uncovering more areas of my life. But here’s my top lesson for the week: the journey to self-discovery takes time. I don’t even think I’m ever going to be done. At least, not in the near future. Not now. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I’m going to continue doing life – by accepting that change will always be constant and I will have to be okay with it. Baby steps!

Till next week!!

Not Another: Millennia(L) Session is inspired by the more “judgy” type of baby boomers who would just not give us any slack. Also, fun fact, when Crown The Empire’s lead vocalist Andy Leo announced their next song “Millenia” of their set during the KL leg of their tour in May, it sounded like “Melinya”. (that was unnecessarily mouthful!)

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My 2018 Bullet Journal Setup


Hey folks! For this week’s video, I’ll be sharing with you guys what I have set up for my 2018 bullet journal.

If you don’t know what a bullet journal is, the creator has a great video about it:

To put it simply, it’s a planner, diary, sketchbook all in one! At least for the artsy people, it can be a sketchbook too. For me, I use it mainly to organize my work and plan for the future. It’s like a planner, but with more versatility. I started this system near the end of 2016, and have been on it on and off throughout the whole of 2017. I’m back on it for good as I’ve left my full-time job and will need a system to organize my never-ending list of projects ideas. Ha!

This year, I just want to keep things task and goal-oriented. I find that having too many trackers and lists just ended up becoming wasted pages. So for my main set up this year, one of the most important spreads for me is my list of goals and reminders.

If you haven’t watched my 2018 goals video, check it out here:

The whole of last year wasn’t that great for me. I felt like I was constantly trying to make other people happy but not myself. I didn’t even do anything that I listed out in my “goals dump” (I mean, what even is that?). I didn’t grow as much. I didn’t do anything that I was passionate about, and I certainly did not have fun. My time was mostly consumed by work and every chance I get to do things outside of work (ie passion projects, going on holidays etc) I was guilt-tripped into thinking that I was doing things that weren’t meaningful.

Many of things on my goals list sound like they are super average and basically just things that normal people do every day. They’re not for me. I haven’t watched a movie or a TV series in a while. I have not seen my friends in a long time. I skipped church a lot more than ever because of work. So I’ve decided to make this year, my year.

I want to lose weight. Through my meals, simple home workouts, and a healthy mindset.

I want to be able to see my friends and family more. Over good food and great conversations.

I want to inspire people. Doing things that are out of the ordinary through means of continuous learning and experimenting. Things that I have thought about for months and years.

I also want to reach my financial goals. Achieve financial freedom and being able to focus my energy on homeschooling and child developments.

Those are my dreams. And I’m laying the groundwork in 2018.

things that i’ve learned so far.


counting down: 1 day before GST.

so, i had an episode with life. nothing major, just some quarter-life crises. *cue laughter*

these kind of things, it’s nothing new to me as there will always be some days where i’m just not feeling ’em. i would doubt myself, be really unforgiving, cursing over my little mistakes… i’d feel so low in life that at times i’d believe there is no way that i could come back up again. and then i just let it be, not wanting to do anything about it.

but that’s when i forget that, while we live in a world that doesn’t practice forgiveness, i am surrounded with patient teachers, supportive friends, and very loving family.

they are never falling short of love, patience, and most importantly, forgiveness. whatever that i have done wrong, they would sternly correct me, but never forgets to let me know that it’s not the end of the world. whatever that i have done right, they won’t just tell me that i’ve done a good job, but to continue doing so until it becomes a part of who i am.

and these lessons were something that i had forgotten to remind myself when i was my lowest.

i had a chance to impart what i learned into my new friends last thursday when they came to visit my work at Laundry. my favourite part about the experience is that when i was teaching the students some tips and tricks, they (the tips) became lightbulb moments to me as i had forgotten about them myself, until i had to talk about them!

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i don’t know if they managed to absorb anything at all but i really hope they did. ha

you see the thing is, everybody is destined to do great things, only if they allow themselves to do so. teaching is a powerful method to raise anybody up; it goes both ends of the spectrum. it is only when you decide to not do anything at all that you stay stagnant. and that’s exactly what happened to me.

i was uninspired. demotivated. sluggish. and i didn’t do anything about it. so i went back to teaching myself and allow myself to soak up new information wherever i go. i push myself to be willing to learn even especially if it is something that is out of my comfort zone and area of expertise. i mean, that’s the whole point, duh!

another thing that i stopped doing was to love everything that i was doing. i forgot why i was doing things. also mostly because i was doing them so much that i got sick and tired of doing it, almost too literally. i could use some break. but was break necessary? not really. maybe. if you really need one.

i just took a step back, remembering why and how i got “this far” in life. i will give credit where it’s due but i mainly just want to remind myself that most if not all of my decisions have lead to my position in life right now, starting from the day when i was really adamant about doing music for a living, without knowing specifically what i could do to contribute to the music scene. i went with my heart.

and while we’re on the topic, i really do want to continue serving the music / entertainment industry. like trying to make life better, i want to provide my time and energy for the greater good of music and its potential. i want to instil passion while still maintain the business sides of things. we are all coexisting, and there is no reason why we should work without the other. sharing is caring, and being selfish does not get you anywhere in life. fact.

there is still a lot to learn. i think that is the challenging part of living when you’re so busy working, that you forget to take time to learn. not being able to make time for me will always be an excuse. easier said than done, but when it is done, it automatically becomes a fulfilment. so off to learning i will!

meanwhile…

i did a quick/rough recording and mixing with some of my friends from ICOM the other day. not a bad mix after being away from “studio mixing” for almost a year. though i was actually mixing it on a M50x XD

also, my singing has gotten a lot better! yay me! but i still need to work on my crowd interaction and facial expressions. HELP

this beautiful picture was shot and edited by the ever so talented and wonderful, Albert Ng of glaringnotebook.com! he so awesome.

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as you can see i took some editing into my own hands….(scroll back up. ha)

i’ve been getting a lot of incredible work opportunities lately and i’m just super happy that in these opportunities i get to work on my strengths and weaknesses a lot. hopefully i can keep up with this little fire in me even when the GST comes. 2 more weeks until i give myself a week’s worth of rest, and then i’m back on my roller-coaster life!

xx

pesky (insert word here)


how do you not blow up when you’re on the verge of blowing up in pestering situations?

it’s hard, i know. it’s almost impossible trying to keep yourself calm before losing everything. all of your words, your fickle thoughts, your judgmental opinions, hanging so loosely at the tip of your tongue; how do you keep everything inside of you?! HOOOOOOOOWWWWWW?!

it all begins with your first boiling point. like a kettle whistling away when the water has reached its boiling point, that is your first warning. someone said something that pissed you off. it wasn’t just any something that made your head turned, but something that kinda went against what you believe, almost backfired but still under control. whatever, they don’t know what they’re talking about. pfft

and then you thought it’s just a one-off thing.

that thought ^ is the only reason the next few ones are nuisances to a point you can’t even. you may have not realized it, but it’s only because you let the first lash scream at you face-front even if the scream is silent. that silence, the thoughts at the back of your mind, it pierced through your fragile soul and it’s the last thing that you need when dealing with pesky (insert word here).

as long as you keep letting it bothering you, eventually you will either break down like a pussy or you will start yelling like a maniac.

pfffft. easier said than done.

growing up, it has never been easier trying to fulfill every expectation everyone has of me. i thought what they wanted for me was what i’m supposed to do, like a robot with simple commands i just did “everything right” up until i was 15. every decision i made after that was being judged, nothing i do would ever please them, every comment made stings and scars never went away like they were meant to stay forever. i became a moody 18-year-old with uncontrollable temper.

my worst habit? i become a bitch once fatigue sinks in. and then my attitude starts rolling and making a scene. when i’m pissed, i’d make sure everyone else would feel horrible too. to make my point that i’m not satisfied, i’d give everyone the silent treatment, the are you kidding me face when “necessary”.

it’s taking me almost a year now trying to start everything from ground up. talking with the boyfriend today makes me realized how much of a patient punching bag he’s been for me. i don’t have anyone to turn to (and never will do) mostly because of their matter-of-fact answers that leaves me without at peace and more of well thank you for judging me, i’m sorry i’m not as smart as you, i just don’t know how to deal with this, ok? inner-self destruct.

“depends on how you think. if you think negative, you won’t be able to do anything but blowing up. don’t let your anger control you. done.”

the irony.
the irony.

songs i listened to:
Survival by Muse
Panic Station by Muse
Supremacy by Muse
Uprising by Muse
Plug In Baby by Muse
Take Me Somewhere Nice by Mogwai
Pretty Face by Soley
Clementine by Sarah Jaffe
I’ll Never Forget You by Birdy
One Top of The World by Imagine Dragons
Demons by Imagine Dragons