My 2018 Bullet Journal Setup


Hey folks! For this week’s video, I’ll be sharing with you guys what I have set up for my 2018 bullet journal.

If you don’t know what a bullet journal is, the creator has a great video about it:

To put it simply, it’s a planner, diary, sketchbook all in one! At least for the artsy people, it can be a sketchbook too. For me, I use it mainly to organize my work and plan for the future. It’s like a planner, but with more versatility. I started this system near the end of 2016, and have been on it on and off throughout the whole of 2017. I’m back on it for good as I’ve left my full-time job and will need a system to organize my never-ending list of projects ideas. Ha!

This year, I just want to keep things task and goal-oriented. I find that having too many trackers and lists just ended up becoming wasted pages. So for my main set up this year, one of the most important spreads for me is my list of goals and reminders.

If you haven’t watched my 2018 goals video, check it out here:

The whole of last year wasn’t that great for me. I felt like I was constantly trying to make other people happy but not myself. I didn’t even do anything that I listed out in my “goals dump” (I mean, what even is that?). I didn’t grow as much. I didn’t do anything that I was passionate about, and I certainly did not have fun. My time was mostly consumed by work and every chance I get to do things outside of work (ie passion projects, going on holidays etc) I was guilt-tripped into thinking that I was doing things that weren’t meaningful.

Many of things on my goals list sound like they are super average and basically just things that normal people do every day. They’re not for me. I haven’t watched a movie or a TV series in a while. I have not seen my friends in a long time. I skipped church a lot more than ever because of work. So I’ve decided to make this year, my year.

I want to lose weight. Through my meals, simple home workouts, and a healthy mindset.

I want to be able to see my friends and family more. Over good food and great conversations.

I want to inspire people. Doing things that are out of the ordinary through means of continuous learning and experimenting. Things that I have thought about for months and years.

I also want to reach my financial goals. Achieve financial freedom and being able to focus my energy on homeschooling and child developments.

Those are my dreams. And I’m laying the groundwork in 2018.

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Classic Tiny House Speed Build | The Sims 4


Hey hey hey! Surprise non-Wednesday post!

Recently my friends and I got the “Get Together” expansion pack as it was on discount on Origin. And oh. my. GEES!! They have so many pretty build and buy items, I’m obsessed! I’ve wanted a new pack for a while because I wasn’t really a fan of “Get To Work” and “Dine Out” stuffs, or maybe I was just bored with them after a while hahaha. Anyways I am sharing my account with 3 other working friends so we could all afford the packs without blowing our wallets.

Anyways, here is my video! Lemme know what you guys think!

The Big Move


Guess who will be living on her own next year?

My dad used to joke (or so I’d like to think that he’s joking but he probably never did lel) whenever I bring up the idea of moving out. He would tell each one of his children, especially the “rebellious” one *cough me cough*, that none of us would move out of his household, even when we’re all in our 30s, unless we’re married. Now, you gotta understand my dad – he’s the most loving person I know, and that is the only reason why he’d want us to stick around for as long as we can. And I really appreciate him for that. I grew from wanting to leave as soon as I turned 18 to wanting to be an adult that he could trust, an ally. And I especially love family trips because it means we get to spend time together, something that I haven’t been able to do since my schedule wouldn’t allow me so. But now, in two weeks’ time, they’d be moving back to Kuching.

*plot twist*

Yes, you read that correctly. Exactly two weeks from today, on the 23rd of December, my family (and I) will be flying down to Kuching. We won’t be moving in right away as we’ll be spending Christmas at the longhouse with grandma and cousins and aunties and uncles. And then we’d be spending some of our days at a hotel, compliments from my dad’s company. Only then we’d be moving in.

My dad got his transfer of letter a few months ago. He was due to move in October, exactly 7 years after moving to KL from Bintulu. I remember the day my dad got his transfer letter to KL; I had mixed emotions about it. Partly sad because my dad would have to fly first while the rest of us had to stay back until I was done with PMR. I remember the day the truck came to get our stuff. I remember two guys. I remember after they were done, they asked my mom if they could take a shower at the guest bathroom at the back. I remember the amount of sadness floating in the air upon take off, leaving behind all the familiarities. I remember my mom crying because one of her “anak angkat” sent her countless amount of crying emojies.

I remember my dad picking us up, booked a van for the six of us and all of our stuffs. I remember my mom telling us not to look so sakai, in awe of the skyscrapers in the heart of KL. I remember the nervous face the four of us had when we were in the van, on the way to our hotel. I remember the our little room, with only 2 queen beds to fit the 6 of us plus our boxes and luggages. I remember my dad took us to KLCC. The 14th of November was the day we moved into our first home in Taman Mayang Jaya. It was a single-storey house with 3 bedrooms and 2 baths. We slept on the floor in the living room, with only our clothes as our blankets, “mattresses” and “pillows” for almost 3 weeks. I remember cooking on our little portable stove, with enough gas to last us maybe two weeks to feed 6 mouths. I remember the night our stuff finally arrived, and a different night when our cars arrived. We stayed only for a year because the owner wanted to sell off the house.

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the book shelf which served as a partition between the tv area and the family computer area as well as a gallery in our first home.

We moved into a double-storey house in SS4 and stayed for 2 years. We’ve found a little apartment we’ve called our home for the past 4 years now back in the same neighbourhood. Soon, it will feel empty and quiet. When I call out mama, no one will answer back. I won’t be able to tease my little sister any more on the silliest things. I won’t laugh at funny pictures with my second brother, and I certainly won’t be able to work with my ever-countable partner-in-crime first brother. No more politics and Christianity talks with my dad. Well, this could only mean that I’ll have a lot to catch up on whenever I’m back in Kuching, or every time they come to visit me here in KL.

Now, as my family is busy packing things and I’m counting down to the days when everything would finally feel real in my hands, I’m counting my blessing. I’m grateful that I’ve grown up so much the last 7 years. My perspectives and my way of living changed tremendously. I’m still a little but stubborn, but this time I’m not afraid to make mistakes. I learn to trust my gut even more, and I’m opened to all sorts of ideas. I’m not as easily angered as I used to or would break down emotionally when things get tough, but I still have a lot more to go with patience. I’ve definitely gained a lot of weight lol but I’ve never been happier, especially when I’ve always struggle with the way I look growing up. I also have learned how to filter the negative things people say to and about me. To me, this is something only the big(ger) city can do.

So my only wishes to my family once they settled in their new/old life back in Kuching is to not be contained back in a box. Always be opened to changes, new possibilities, exciting opportunities. Never ever settle for comfort. I find that “the box” is something that took me awhile to get out of since living in KL/PJ. Things won’t always go my way, and it won’t be the end of the world when it does. I learned (and still is learning) to grow out of my comfort, experience new foods, adventures and even culture. Sarawak is home, and thus automatically make you succumb to comfort. And I hope especially my growing siblings that they’d be opened to new ideas. When there is a will, there is a way.

Here’s to a new life – one that I am happy to call aunty life – paying household bills, collecting recipes, browsing on household appliances, and doing chores. Here’s to hoping that I will finally have better discipline to complete my goals. lol

x

The Art of Noble Douche


Closure. For many years I was battling with facts vs imaginations, and today I finally got the chance to feel like I can breathe again. My heart is lighter. I am able to forgive and love. I am able to rebuild the broken bridges. I wasn’t waiting, but after today, it felt like the wait is over. This is over.

And now, I’m going to teach you the art of Noble Douche.

  1. Don’t be specific with your answers. Have other people guess and then get mad at them for being so clueless with your vague answers.
  2. Always be right, and always be confident about it. Everybody else is wrong. And then convince people that you are right.
  3. Be everybody’s best friend, but treat your girl/boyfriend like crap behind your friends’ back. While you’re at it, spend more time with your friends than your significant other.
  4. Oh, oh, tell everybody your significant other is being difficult because they cannot understand why you’re being mad at them for being frustrated at you for yelling at them, being stubborn and arguing with them, instead of talking things out when you could.
  5. Complaint about everything. Nothing is perfect right?
  6. Tell everyone, but the person you’re having problems with, about your problems with the person. They don’t need to know. They’re not important.
  7. Never own up to your mistake. You’re always right, remember? Just walk away. Nothing to see here.
  8. Make promises, and then break them. Because you can do whatever the hell you want. No one can tell you otherwise.
  9. Start a group project, and then leave it halfway. Again, no one can tell you otherwise. Have someone else do it for you while you’re away.
  10. Tell people that you’ll be fine and then burst out at them out of nowhere for not understanding that you have a lot of things to do and people are just bunch of nuisance.
  11. Make someone feel like they’re the most important person in the world and then decided one day that maybe they’re not. Meh. Whatever.
  12. Pull pranks on people but gets mad at them when they pull a prank on you. Like, how dare they?!

While you’re doing all these things, give the most honourable reasons that you can think of. Your friends will understand. Really. Just tell them that you have a change of heart when you can’t keep your promises anymore. Or that you didn’t realize that you were making mistakes because no one told you about it in the first place. Can’t continue the project anymore due to commitments? Yeah, totally. They don’t believe you? It’s okay, just keep talking until they don’t wanna hear you talk anymore. Now you don’t have to deal with them ever again!

Ah sarcasm. I’ve lost my touch with it because people actually would feel like punching me in the face for it. It’s not the things I say, really. It’s the face that comes with it, because expressions are NOT something that I’m good at controlling. So to keep things at a minimum rage, I have trained myself to speak less, thus be sarcastic even lesser. How did I do though? Did I do okay with the list? Hahah.

Anyways. Once upon a time I used to look up to someone, and because he’s so great and everything, I used to think that I wasn’t good enough and that I’ll never be good at all. This person was my teacher, but he taught me nothing to improve myself, rather, I was questioning everything down to my existence. Nah, I wasn’t suicidal. I just didn’t know what I was doing with my life. He was no less my best friend, yet I’d questioned my faith in him, and regret it soon after, because maybe, just maybe, I’m only overreacting. Overthinking.

Today, after 2 years, I finally got my closure, and it’s not even from him. I’ve forgotten how to love, to forgive and forget, until I took the time to sit down with my iced coffee and a plate of waffles, shared between 2 friends. One of them being his best friend, who only after being friends with his new girlfriend, got a taste of what he is truly like behind her back. And that’s the thing; he’s fooled everybody long enough because he’s a different person behind all of his friends’ back. Bloody noble two-faced douche.

Right. Sorry. Rant over. We’re good.

How to avoid these kind of people:

  1. Reality check, if you’re too deep into your friendship, just hang out with them less.
  2. If you ever feel like they’re the first person you’ll turn to for help, look for someone else immediately.
  3. Don’t know how to get out of your one-sided conversations? Just stop them mid way and run. THEY’LL NEVER REALIZE IT’S THEM.
  4. Put your headphones on when you’re near them or when they’re nearing you. Better yet, just don’t be anywhere near them at all.
  5. Don’t feel offended by their backstabbing remarks, because they are more likely to be talking about themselves than you.

Now this reminds me of the story of the boiling frog syndrome.

In the 1990s, it was used as a metaphor about inaction in response to climate change and staying in abusive relationships. – Wikipedia

These kind of people, they don’t make you realize how you feel until you take a step back, trying to analyze what the hell is going on. You will feel frustration, demotivation, sometimes even demoralized, but you don’t know it until you’ve finally decided that maybe, just maybe you should stop tolerating it.

Anyways, they’re not bad people. Just not the best people to keep in your life. You can still be friends, help out when you can, but just don’t tolerate bullshit, whatever the definition may be for you. Keep your head up and breathe. Let’s move on! 🙂

Top 3 April Faves + Biggest Lesson Learned


hello internet. it’s been awhile. i’d probably say this every time i update this space. ha. 

i’ve been suppressing my thoughts lately. it’s more like one of the methods to teach myself that not all opinions matter and that silence is golden. it gives me a chance to think and analyze more before drawing any conclusions, and it is not something that the internet world is great at doing. here’s why.

i’m a big fan of reading comments, knowing what everybody else are thinking about a certain topic, be it on Facebook or YouTube. but, there is one small downside to this; you’d get infected with stupidity. stupidity isn’t a disease, but it sure is spreading like one. and i catch myself from time to time judging from what seems to be just the surface of what really lies beneath the said matter. and honestly, ugh, i don’t like myself sometimes.

thinking takes time. it is a lot easier to be lazy. it’s not rocket science. but, human behaviour needs to be nurtured. as someone who is easily influenced by my environment, i’d always have to remind myself to be kinder, more thoughtful, grow with patience, live with more smiles. yeah well i’m still working on them. especially the last one. don’t even get me started with that.

also, i’m not the smartest person i know. i always say the wrong things, in the sense that i phrase my words to be the opposite of my intentions. it’s a working progress.

Here’s the thing about being mean. It’s a lot easier to be mean than it is to be nice. Mean people, on top of being jerks, they’re also lazy and uninventive. Being nice takes work. That’s why I really like people that are really nice.

– Casey Neistat.

and with that, i start my list of this month’s top 3 faves with the man himself.

i am very in love with his latest video/story-making adventure on YouTube. he now vlogs daily. i’ve stopped spending my morning watching YouTube videos when getting ready thus indirectly quit watching JKNews. no reason, but Casey’s vlogs are the only vlogs that I would want to watch these days. i love his way of storytelling (editing), but more importantly, i love his storylines (content) even more.

it is what i look for these days, especially in movies. any movie with a good storyline wins it all for me. ❤

the past month, i find myself craving for BKT. a lot.

more specifically, the bak kut teh shop in Desa Sri Hartamas.
from the bak kut teh shop in Desa Sri Hartamas.

here’s the thing about bak kut teh; it’s comfort food. it literally brings a sense of comfort when i’m indulging it. the fragrant smell of the herbs, savoury yet flavourful broth, pair it with my favourite leafy green vegetables and some rice, and i feel all warm and toasty inside. it’s the best kind of food to end my long day at work, which is funny because it is typically a breakfast dish. ha

i prefer the Hokkien/Canto versions. 😀

i also got a new phone, the Lenovo A606. Got it for free after upgrading to the MaxisOne plan. love love love the camera. my favourite upgrade form my last phone, the Sony Xperia C.

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Bae.

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"Hensem" #melinyaWorks

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Bae number 2. Omnomnomnomnom

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i would add the sims 3 into the list as i’m back on it lately but y’all know the sims in general is my forever love. after fries. LOL

this month is a little bit slow for me. it’s a major difference from the last two months. i really want to go back to working but i don’t know where to look for. let’s hope May will be a little better. :3

things that i’ve learned so far.


counting down: 1 day before GST.

so, i had an episode with life. nothing major, just some quarter-life crises. *cue laughter*

these kind of things, it’s nothing new to me as there will always be some days where i’m just not feeling ’em. i would doubt myself, be really unforgiving, cursing over my little mistakes… i’d feel so low in life that at times i’d believe there is no way that i could come back up again. and then i just let it be, not wanting to do anything about it.

but that’s when i forget that, while we live in a world that doesn’t practice forgiveness, i am surrounded with patient teachers, supportive friends, and very loving family.

they are never falling short of love, patience, and most importantly, forgiveness. whatever that i have done wrong, they would sternly correct me, but never forgets to let me know that it’s not the end of the world. whatever that i have done right, they won’t just tell me that i’ve done a good job, but to continue doing so until it becomes a part of who i am.

and these lessons were something that i had forgotten to remind myself when i was my lowest.

i had a chance to impart what i learned into my new friends last thursday when they came to visit my work at Laundry. my favourite part about the experience is that when i was teaching the students some tips and tricks, they (the tips) became lightbulb moments to me as i had forgotten about them myself, until i had to talk about them!

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i don’t know if they managed to absorb anything at all but i really hope they did. ha

you see the thing is, everybody is destined to do great things, only if they allow themselves to do so. teaching is a powerful method to raise anybody up; it goes both ends of the spectrum. it is only when you decide to not do anything at all that you stay stagnant. and that’s exactly what happened to me.

i was uninspired. demotivated. sluggish. and i didn’t do anything about it. so i went back to teaching myself and allow myself to soak up new information wherever i go. i push myself to be willing to learn even especially if it is something that is out of my comfort zone and area of expertise. i mean, that’s the whole point, duh!

another thing that i stopped doing was to love everything that i was doing. i forgot why i was doing things. also mostly because i was doing them so much that i got sick and tired of doing it, almost too literally. i could use some break. but was break necessary? not really. maybe. if you really need one.

i just took a step back, remembering why and how i got “this far” in life. i will give credit where it’s due but i mainly just want to remind myself that most if not all of my decisions have lead to my position in life right now, starting from the day when i was really adamant about doing music for a living, without knowing specifically what i could do to contribute to the music scene. i went with my heart.

and while we’re on the topic, i really do want to continue serving the music / entertainment industry. like trying to make life better, i want to provide my time and energy for the greater good of music and its potential. i want to instil passion while still maintain the business sides of things. we are all coexisting, and there is no reason why we should work without the other. sharing is caring, and being selfish does not get you anywhere in life. fact.

there is still a lot to learn. i think that is the challenging part of living when you’re so busy working, that you forget to take time to learn. not being able to make time for me will always be an excuse. easier said than done, but when it is done, it automatically becomes a fulfilment. so off to learning i will!

meanwhile…

i did a quick/rough recording and mixing with some of my friends from ICOM the other day. not a bad mix after being away from “studio mixing” for almost a year. though i was actually mixing it on a M50x XD

also, my singing has gotten a lot better! yay me! but i still need to work on my crowd interaction and facial expressions. HELP

this beautiful picture was shot and edited by the ever so talented and wonderful, Albert Ng of glaringnotebook.com! he so awesome.

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as you can see i took some editing into my own hands….(scroll back up. ha)

i’ve been getting a lot of incredible work opportunities lately and i’m just super happy that in these opportunities i get to work on my strengths and weaknesses a lot. hopefully i can keep up with this little fire in me even when the GST comes. 2 more weeks until i give myself a week’s worth of rest, and then i’m back on my roller-coaster life!

xx

august: awesome happens


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time flies when you’re having fun.
time flies when you appreciate the people around you more.
time flies when you give yourself another chance in life to live it.

Yes, Awesome do happen. My new job of two-month old is awesome, the people who I’m working with are awesome, my family is awesome, my friends are awesome, and the best of all, I am awesome. I lost myself for a while and haven’t been feeling confident in my work and my performance. But I realized over time that I am 21 and working a full-time job that I love, a place that I’d never thought I’ll be in, for having to always feel like I’m far behind my peers [in terms of knowledge and opportunities] back when I was in college.

I can’t. I just do not have the ability to express my gratitude for August that the Lord has blessed me with. My dad brought my family to Port Dickson, my colleagues have become my new family, PJEFC took the time to wrap a little parting gift on my last day, I get to watch my friends perform (where I’m not working) every once in a while…. I’ve learned to love coffee again. I’m going to Miri with An Honest Mistake this weekend…. What is life?!

Here are the colours of my current life. ❤

 

Meanwhile……. Melanie is going back to Nashville. MELANIE IS LEAVING ME. 😥

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IN A SEPARATE (AND ANOTHER AWESOME) NEWS: My little thoughts got published in The Star newspaper! I can only thank Ms Hariati Azizan for the opportunity. 🙂

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Thank you friends for spotting my face and sending me the pictures! I did not get a chance to get myself a copy, but you can read the full articles here and here. Also cool findings: The Search for The Merdeka Speech.

Here’s to September, and believing that every time reality knocks me down, life will always have reasons to bring me back up. 🙂 x

 

A little song that I wrote to go with my short story: Reality.

Nian Tze’s Mooncakes and Recipes


Nian Tze was always known for her generosity back when we used to be colleagues. This time around, I could not help but thought about her mooncakes as the Mid-Autumn Festival is drawing near. I bought 2 flavours from her and she gifted me with two others and so I thought why not compile her recipes here!

I’m not sure if she is still taking orders but I’ve included the price per piece if anyone wishes to try their luck! :p

 

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Pandan Redbean Snowskin Mooncake (Selling for RM5 per piece) *each piece is 100gm

Pastry:
90g Coconut Milk (Boiled and let chilled)
1tsp Pandan Essence
40gm krimwell
200g Redman snowskin premix
Some Pau Flour
(Total Weight = 330g)

Filling:
700g Red Bean paste
22g Melon Seed (Kuaci)
(Total Weight = 800g)

Method:
(Filling)
1) Divide Red bean paste and Melon seed into equal portion according to your mould, i.e. if using 100gm mould, 70gm is used for filling and 30gm for the skin.

(Pastry Skin)
1) Mix all pastry ingredient together except Pau flour. Process till even & divide into equal portion, rest for 5-10 mins.
2) Roll pastry into flat sheet, wrap in filling, seal edges & press into mould. Knock out, fridge.

* This recipe makes about 11 pieces for 100gm mould.

 

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Coco Banana Snowskin Mooncake (Selling for RM6 per piece) *each piece is 100gm

Pastry:
90g Chocolate Milk
10gm Coco Powder
40gm krimwell
200g Redman snowskin premix
Some Pau Flour
(Total Weight = 340g)

Filling:
500g lotus paste
250g ripe banana (Pisang Emas)
50g gula melaka
(Total Weight = 800g)

Method:
(Filling)
1) Double boil gula melaka till melt, put in banana to cook for a while then mix in lotus paste, knead till even.
2) Divide into equal portion according to your mould, i.e. if using 100gm mould, 70gm is used for filling and 30gm for the skin.

(Pastry Skin)
1) Mix all pastry ingredient together except Pau flour. Process till even & divide into equal portion, rest for 5-10 mins.
2) Roll pastry into flat sheet, wrap in filling, seal edges & press into mould. Knock out, fridge.

* This recipe makes about 11 pieces for 100gm mould.

 

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Coffee Nutella Cheese Snowskin Mooncake (Selling for RM7 per piece) *each piece is 100gm

Pastry:
90g cold coffee
1tsp coffee essence
40gm krimwell
200g Redman snowskin premix
Some Pau Flour
(Total Weight = 330g)

Filling:
500g lotus paste 200g Nutella
250g cream cheese
(Total Weight = 950g)

Method:
(Filling)
1) Double boil Nutella till melt, mix in lotus paste, knead till even.
2) Divide into equal portion according to your mould, i.e. if using 100gm mould, 70gm is used for filling and 30gm for the skin. Hence, I cut the cream cheese to about 20gm each and the kneaded paste to about 60gm each. Fillings will be about 80gm each.

(Pastry Skin)
1) Mix all pastry ingredient together except Pau flour.
Process till even & divide into equal portion, rest for 5-10 mins.
2) Roll pastry into flat sheet, wrap in filling, seal edges & press into mould. Knock out, fridge.

* This recipe makes about 11 pieces for 100gm mould.

 

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Orange Chocolate Walnut Snowskin Mooncake (Selling for RM8 per piece) *each piece is 100gm

Pastry:
200g cold water
250g Sunquick
2&1/2tsp lemon juice/rind
2&1/2tsp orange paste
200gm krimwell
1000g Redman snowskin premix
Some Pau Flour
(Total Weight = 1650g)

Filling:
1000g lotus paste
180g cooking chocolate
180g toasted walnut
180g orange peel
90g chocolate chip
(Total Weight = 1630g)

Method:
(Filling)
1) Double boil chocolate till melt, mix in lotus paste, knead till even.
2) Mix in walnut (toasted), orange peels & chocolate chips.
3) Divide into equal portion.

(Pastry)
1) Mix all pastry ingredient together except Pau flour. Process till even & divide into equal portion, rest for 5-10 mins.
2) Roll pastry into flat sheet, wrap in filling, seal edges & press into mould. Knock out, fridge.

* Modified recipe from a book.

My old time favourite is the orange chocolate flavour. I can never get enough of it. Hit me up (or Nian Tze, if you know her personally) if you’re too lazy or do not have the means to bake them yourself. 😀

x

Short Story: Reality


 Photo on 4-29-13 at 11_Fotor

What the heck was that, brain? I would not call that sleep. Unacceptable. And couldn’t you have chosen someone else to dream of? Seriously!

She struggles to take a breath. Crap, it’s already 7. Ah, my head! The pain was throbbing from the sides of her skull and her scalp. She was convinced. Must be from the lack of sleep. After all, four hours of half-sleeping will never be enough for her. But that wasn’t all that gave her the headaches.

Did I really just dream of him twice within the span of four hours? She sighed. After all this time, she was still having recurring nightmares of the one that she thought she would spend the rest of her life with. It’s been a fucking year and three months, brain. You can do better than this. Teamwork; that’s all there is to it. She sighed again. She finds her phone and started typing.

Just dreamt of you. Again. You would think that with the amount of distractions I’ve given myself I’d eventually forget about you and move on. But, no. I’ve actually been doing great so far until last night so you must have still mean a great deal to me. But, you know. Whatevs.

She hits send and got up from her bed, disgruntled and famished.

Cooking is her favourite therapy. Although she wasn’t exactly cooking that morning, she found peace just from spreading butter on slices of baguette, to be toasted in the oven. But, she wasn’t exactly patient either. She left the oven at a slightly higher temperature, which led to a few pieces of burned toasts. Some, with burned sides. Life doesn’t like me right now. I just know it.

Iced tea and burned toasts, not what she had in mind before falling asleep. She anticipated the aroma of freshly brewed coffee, followed by the fluffiness of griddle-pan waffles topped with sunny-side up eggs and bacon on the side, much like her usual favourite – pancakes and eggs. She did get a cup of Sumatra coffee on-the-go from the opposite café upon realizing she had arrived at work on time, but earlier than everyone else. No idea what this is but coffee is coffee. Please love me today.

Her phone buzzed.

Hey. I know things haven’t been easy for you too but holding on to the past is never going to be a good thing. And, no. I’m not the kind of guy with hopes that you still think about me. I hope you can keep moving on and work towards a better life. I know it’s not easy but please try. I wish you the best of luck in anything that you’re going to go through in the future. You always could do it without my help. You’re stronger than you think.

Fuck. Her little heart yells. Her hands shaking, body shivering. Her eyes began brimming, but she managed to gather all the strength that she could muster. After a fucking year? After all that yelling, telling me that you never wanted to talk to me anymore, this is the best that you could say? My messages were left never replied and you never once had the decency to even pick my calls, even if it’s work-related! She never thought his first reply after 10 months of silence would infuriate her. But it did.

She started composing her words in her head. After a couple of breaths, she began typing.

Serious shit, I’m getting emotional Just getting this after one year. Are we seriously becoming strangers, after everything that we’ve been through?? And I’m trying! You know full well that I am. Last night was just….one of those rough nights. But whatevs. Go kick ass in your life too. I still wish I could be in it. Miss you always x

Send. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. THAT IS NOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY. This is going to mess me up all day. Fuck.

She quickly scans through her contact list, looking for a shoulder to cry on. Micah! 

She took a screenshot of their conversation and sends it over to Micah, with a few more messages describing her confused & mixed-feelings situation.

“This is just an illusion, right?”
“I don’t think so. It was pretty heartfelt. But um, I’m going to be driving for about 2 hours with him today. 4, if you include the return trip.”
“Of course the person that I wanna talk to the most about this HAS to be the guy that will be spending time with him!”
“I’ll shut up. I won’t do anything.”
“Could you buy him a bar of Toblerone, though? The white ones. I’d pay you back.”
“Kinda doesn’t go with whatever was in that message, don’t you think?”
“No message. Just a bar of chocolate. He will never figure it’s me.”
“I’ll confuse him with an illusion. I’ll talk to you tonight?”
“Thanks, Mike. I owe you a million. :)”

Reality.

She sighed. I’m back to reality.

Reality is when she goes back to work, pretending that none of the morning scenes ever happened.

Reality is when she argues with her priorities, and makes a trip down to where she was needed the most, succeeded in fixing other people’s problems but her own.

Reality is crying her eyes out from keeping the emotions in longer than she could hold them, while driving back to her first workplace.

Reality is when she pens her thoughts in lyrical form, feeling lonely in a room full of people, and at the same time loved and cared for by the people that she now calls her new family.

Reality is when her hoodie smells like cigarettes and she wishes that it smells like him instead.

Reality is when she shuts the world out at the end of the night with hopes to return the next day, continuing her services to the people, better than ever.

I really want my waffles though. She muttered, half-asleep.

sushi, carrie, mamak.


once upon a time there was a boy named bal and every time he ajaks mell to lepak, mell’d say she’s busy (even though she’s not – she’s just lazy and would rather stay home and sleep). except today; as long as they’re willing to wait for her for lunch at 4pm.

the plan was to have lunch at sushi king. i didn’t have the cash yet around the time when he suggested, so we pushed it to today. aaaaaannnnnnnddddd  i wanted to watch thor again after having to enjoy it the first time i watched with my family. i had work till 4 so i met up with the boys after that.

so like, dude. someone needs to remind me to have lunch before work because i never do and i had to wait 3 hours until work was over. i started stuffing down the sushis off the belt before my food even arrived. even when it did arrive, i was still hungry and wanting more after i finished everything. i could easily spend up to rm50 if i didn’t mind stuffing myself up (and regret it later -_-). aha

jason, deepak, bal. and FOOD. GLORIOUS FOOD.

of course by that time we kinda found out that we’d missed thor since it was screening at 4:10pm (BIG POO) so we were deciding between carrie & ender’s game. we didn’t go with ender’s game because we were too lazy to wait for it at 8:45pm. ender’s game was second to thor if i had the chance, but carrie wasn’t that bad. never watched the trailer till 5 minutes before the movie and i still didn’t know what i had gotten myself into LOL.

not as gory as i had thought it would be, but still not for the faint-hearted.

i don’t have a specific curfew set but i have to be home whenever my parents would start to ask me what time i’ll be back. so we decided to go to the nearest mamak shop and…lepak. lol. i left around 10.30pm.

if i could list out the things that we talked about and/or do, it’ll take forever. wayyyyy too many things went on. prank calls, catching up on latest news, talking about past events…you know the drill. just random serious/stupid topics one after another lol. it’s those group of friends that will always make you laugh no matter how long you haven’t seen each other.

i, personally think that you’d start to remember & appreciate life more when you’re 16/17 because that’s when you realize that once you finished SPM, you’ll have to properly grow up and take up responsibilities, like choosing what major you’ll be taking for your degree. of course, before all of that happened, you spend the best years in school making stupid decisions and regret them immediately but laugh about them 3 years later.

after tonight, the boys had planned to meet up at least once a month just like tonight. why not, right? when you work 7 days a week, you might as well put some time aside just for good food, good movie and good laugh in one evening (i’m talking about myself, not them ha). it’s does wonders for the soul. B)

MUOTD & OOTD.
MUOTD & OOTD.

wished i could’ve stayed longer. haz da work in the morn!