The Journey to Finding Myself

Not another blog post about an entitled millennial!

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash | Created on

Alright, bear with me on this one. It’s not every day you’d wake up to find yourself being a quarter-century old and realizing that you have yet to feel proud about something you’ve done with your bare hands. For the first time in my life, I am able to differentiate between “bear” and “bare”. That has got to count for something! ….right?

Ah, well. I shan’t be one of those millennial always seeking to be validated.

In all seriousness though, I do wanna talk the things I’ve learned in my 2018 so far, while at the same time launching my [latest] weekly blogging series called: Not Another: Millennia(L) Session. Your Monday Muse by moi. (I’m just giving myself more option to show up more on social media, tbh)

Now, story time! Best paired with freshly brewed coffee. (mine wasn’t fresh anymore when I took this pic)

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Hello hello! . I've been super quiet lately and and now I'm back hehe! 😎 . I was on an amazing break from work for the past three weeks. (Thanks Ramadhan!) 😴 . Sadly, I did not get a chance to enjoy getting food coma from all the open houses and glorious Raya food huhu 😢 . But I did rest up and evaluate on a lot of things in my life. 💡 . I've also been working on getting my head back into that work space. 👓 . [Basically: Trello, Emails, Production Documents] 💻 . My calendar is looking full with events, and honestly I'm anxious HAHA 😫 . I also scored my old VA job back (yay!). 😍 . Can you believe that it's almost July soon???? 👀 . Time sure flies!! Can't wait to drive the rest of my 2018 to full speed!! 💥 . [also, pls don't judge my coffee – I waited too long to take this picture in public lololol]

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I used to like calling myself Mel Of All Trades to make myself feel better when I just couldn’t decide on what I like to do best. I have lots of interest in many things other than audio and music, and this sort of dilemma has put me into a state of bipolar-type (using it lightly here you don’t have to yell ok) self-mental abuse on many occasions. I would either be super semangat or super depressed (again, light).

This year I started approaching life in a different way – allowing myself to just riding the wave. I had one simple reason: to have more time to create, discovering myself, and learning to love myself more. So my goals became more oriented towards improving on my available skills while at the same time learning how to leverage them for lucrative reasons.

*hehehehehe evil laugh

Has it been working out for me? You bet. My PR skills have improved, I’ve learned to expand my services within my niche and treat it more like a business, got myself some extra work to do outside of residency… etc etc. I’m doing things that I never thought I could ever do. And I definitely feel like I’m living the best life so far!!

Not my dream life. Just the best version of my life (so far) – good balance of optimal stress, good food, and lotsa rest. 😎

Now, over time, I will be uncovering more areas of my life. But here’s my top lesson for the week: the journey to self-discovery takes time. I don’t even think I’m ever going to be done. At least, not in the near future. Not now. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I’m going to continue doing life – by accepting that change will always be constant and I will have to be okay with it. Baby steps!

Till next week!!

Not Another: Millennia(L) Session is inspired by the more “judgy” type of baby boomers who would just not give us any slack. Also, fun fact, when Crown The Empire’s lead vocalist Andy Leo announced their next song “Millenia” of their set during the KL leg of their tour in May, it sounded like “Melinya”. (that was unnecessarily mouthful!)


My 2018 Bullet Journal Setup

Hey folks! For this week’s video, I’ll be sharing with you guys what I have set up for my 2018 bullet journal.

If you don’t know what a bullet journal is, the creator has a great video about it:

To put it simply, it’s a planner, diary, sketchbook all in one! At least for the artsy people, it can be a sketchbook too. For me, I use it mainly to organize my work and plan for the future. It’s like a planner, but with more versatility. I started this system near the end of 2016, and have been on it on and off throughout the whole of 2017. I’m back on it for good as I’ve left my full-time job and will need a system to organize my never-ending list of projects ideas. Ha!

This year, I just want to keep things task and goal-oriented. I find that having too many trackers and lists just ended up becoming wasted pages. So for my main set up this year, one of the most important spreads for me is my list of goals and reminders.

If you haven’t watched my 2018 goals video, check it out here:

The whole of last year wasn’t that great for me. I felt like I was constantly trying to make other people happy but not myself. I didn’t even do anything that I listed out in my “goals dump” (I mean, what even is that?). I didn’t grow as much. I didn’t do anything that I was passionate about, and I certainly did not have fun. My time was mostly consumed by work and every chance I get to do things outside of work (ie passion projects, going on holidays etc) I was guilt-tripped into thinking that I was doing things that weren’t meaningful.

Many of things on my goals list sound like they are super average and basically just things that normal people do every day. They’re not for me. I haven’t watched a movie or a TV series in a while. I have not seen my friends in a long time. I skipped church a lot more than ever because of work. So I’ve decided to make this year, my year.

I want to lose weight. Through my meals, simple home workouts, and a healthy mindset.

I want to be able to see my friends and family more. Over good food and great conversations.

I want to inspire people. Doing things that are out of the ordinary through means of continuous learning and experimenting. Things that I have thought about for months and years.

I also want to reach my financial goals. Achieve financial freedom and being able to focus my energy on homeschooling and child developments.

Those are my dreams. And I’m laying the groundwork in 2018.

The Art of Noble Douche

Closure. For many years I was battling with facts vs imaginations, and today I finally got the chance to feel like I can breathe again. My heart is lighter. I am able to forgive and love. I am able to rebuild the broken bridges. I wasn’t waiting, but after today, it felt like the wait is over. This is over.

And now, I’m going to teach you the art of Noble Douche.

  1. Don’t be specific with your answers. Have other people guess and then get mad at them for being so clueless with your vague answers.
  2. Always be right, and always be confident about it. Everybody else is wrong. And then convince people that you are right.
  3. Be everybody’s best friend, but treat your girl/boyfriend like crap behind your friends’ back. While you’re at it, spend more time with your friends than your significant other.
  4. Oh, oh, tell everybody your significant other is being difficult because they cannot understand why you’re being mad at them for being frustrated at you for yelling at them, being stubborn and arguing with them, instead of talking things out when you could.
  5. Complaint about everything. Nothing is perfect right?
  6. Tell everyone, but the person you’re having problems with, about your problems with the person. They don’t need to know. They’re not important.
  7. Never own up to your mistake. You’re always right, remember? Just walk away. Nothing to see here.
  8. Make promises, and then break them. Because you can do whatever the hell you want. No one can tell you otherwise.
  9. Start a group project, and then leave it halfway. Again, no one can tell you otherwise. Have someone else do it for you while you’re away.
  10. Tell people that you’ll be fine and then burst out at them out of nowhere for not understanding that you have a lot of things to do and people are just bunch of nuisance.
  11. Make someone feel like they’re the most important person in the world and then decided one day that maybe they’re not. Meh. Whatever.
  12. Pull pranks on people but gets mad at them when they pull a prank on you. Like, how dare they?!

While you’re doing all these things, give the most honourable reasons that you can think of. Your friends will understand. Really. Just tell them that you have a change of heart when you can’t keep your promises anymore. Or that you didn’t realize that you were making mistakes because no one told you about it in the first place. Can’t continue the project anymore due to commitments? Yeah, totally. They don’t believe you? It’s okay, just keep talking until they don’t wanna hear you talk anymore. Now you don’t have to deal with them ever again!

Ah sarcasm. I’ve lost my touch with it because people actually would feel like punching me in the face for it. It’s not the things I say, really. It’s the face that comes with it, because expressions are NOT something that I’m good at controlling. So to keep things at a minimum rage, I have trained myself to speak less, thus be sarcastic even lesser. How did I do though? Did I do okay with the list? Hahah.

Anyways. Once upon a time I used to look up to someone, and because he’s so great and everything, I used to think that I wasn’t good enough and that I’ll never be good at all. This person was my teacher, but he taught me nothing to improve myself, rather, I was questioning everything down to my existence. Nah, I wasn’t suicidal. I just didn’t know what I was doing with my life. He was no less my best friend, yet I’d questioned my faith in him, and regret it soon after, because maybe, just maybe, I’m only overreacting. Overthinking.

Today, after 2 years, I finally got my closure, and it’s not even from him. I’ve forgotten how to love, to forgive and forget, until I took the time to sit down with my iced coffee and a plate of waffles, shared between 2 friends. One of them being his best friend, who only after being friends with his new girlfriend, got a taste of what he is truly like behind her back. And that’s the thing; he’s fooled everybody long enough because he’s a different person behind all of his friends’ back. Bloody noble two-faced douche.

Right. Sorry. Rant over. We’re good.

How to avoid these kind of people:

  1. Reality check, if you’re too deep into your friendship, just hang out with them less.
  2. If you ever feel like they’re the first person you’ll turn to for help, look for someone else immediately.
  3. Don’t know how to get out of your one-sided conversations? Just stop them mid way and run. THEY’LL NEVER REALIZE IT’S THEM.
  4. Put your headphones on when you’re near them or when they’re nearing you. Better yet, just don’t be anywhere near them at all.
  5. Don’t feel offended by their backstabbing remarks, because they are more likely to be talking about themselves than you.

Now this reminds me of the story of the boiling frog syndrome.

In the 1990s, it was used as a metaphor about inaction in response to climate change and staying in abusive relationships. – Wikipedia

These kind of people, they don’t make you realize how you feel until you take a step back, trying to analyze what the hell is going on. You will feel frustration, demotivation, sometimes even demoralized, but you don’t know it until you’ve finally decided that maybe, just maybe you should stop tolerating it.

Anyways, they’re not bad people. Just not the best people to keep in your life. You can still be friends, help out when you can, but just don’t tolerate bullshit, whatever the definition may be for you. Keep your head up and breathe. Let’s move on! 🙂

things that i’ve learned so far.

counting down: 1 day before GST.

so, i had an episode with life. nothing major, just some quarter-life crises. *cue laughter*

these kind of things, it’s nothing new to me as there will always be some days where i’m just not feeling ’em. i would doubt myself, be really unforgiving, cursing over my little mistakes… i’d feel so low in life that at times i’d believe there is no way that i could come back up again. and then i just let it be, not wanting to do anything about it.

but that’s when i forget that, while we live in a world that doesn’t practice forgiveness, i am surrounded with patient teachers, supportive friends, and very loving family.

they are never falling short of love, patience, and most importantly, forgiveness. whatever that i have done wrong, they would sternly correct me, but never forgets to let me know that it’s not the end of the world. whatever that i have done right, they won’t just tell me that i’ve done a good job, but to continue doing so until it becomes a part of who i am.

and these lessons were something that i had forgotten to remind myself when i was my lowest.

i had a chance to impart what i learned into my new friends last thursday when they came to visit my work at Laundry. my favourite part about the experience is that when i was teaching the students some tips and tricks, they (the tips) became lightbulb moments to me as i had forgotten about them myself, until i had to talk about them!

Screen Shot 2015-03-31 at 12.55.36 AM

i don’t know if they managed to absorb anything at all but i really hope they did. ha

you see the thing is, everybody is destined to do great things, only if they allow themselves to do so. teaching is a powerful method to raise anybody up; it goes both ends of the spectrum. it is only when you decide to not do anything at all that you stay stagnant. and that’s exactly what happened to me.

i was uninspired. demotivated. sluggish. and i didn’t do anything about it. so i went back to teaching myself and allow myself to soak up new information wherever i go. i push myself to be willing to learn even especially if it is something that is out of my comfort zone and area of expertise. i mean, that’s the whole point, duh!

another thing that i stopped doing was to love everything that i was doing. i forgot why i was doing things. also mostly because i was doing them so much that i got sick and tired of doing it, almost too literally. i could use some break. but was break necessary? not really. maybe. if you really need one.

i just took a step back, remembering why and how i got “this far” in life. i will give credit where it’s due but i mainly just want to remind myself that most if not all of my decisions have lead to my position in life right now, starting from the day when i was really adamant about doing music for a living, without knowing specifically what i could do to contribute to the music scene. i went with my heart.

and while we’re on the topic, i really do want to continue serving the music / entertainment industry. like trying to make life better, i want to provide my time and energy for the greater good of music and its potential. i want to instil passion while still maintain the business sides of things. we are all coexisting, and there is no reason why we should work without the other. sharing is caring, and being selfish does not get you anywhere in life. fact.

there is still a lot to learn. i think that is the challenging part of living when you’re so busy working, that you forget to take time to learn. not being able to make time for me will always be an excuse. easier said than done, but when it is done, it automatically becomes a fulfilment. so off to learning i will!


i did a quick/rough recording and mixing with some of my friends from ICOM the other day. not a bad mix after being away from “studio mixing” for almost a year. though i was actually mixing it on a M50x XD

also, my singing has gotten a lot better! yay me! but i still need to work on my crowd interaction and facial expressions. HELP

this beautiful picture was shot and edited by the ever so talented and wonderful, Albert Ng of! he so awesome.


as you can see i took some editing into my own hands….(scroll back up. ha)

i’ve been getting a lot of incredible work opportunities lately and i’m just super happy that in these opportunities i get to work on my strengths and weaknesses a lot. hopefully i can keep up with this little fire in me even when the GST comes. 2 more weeks until i give myself a week’s worth of rest, and then i’m back on my roller-coaster life!


Short Story: Reality

 Photo on 4-29-13 at 11_Fotor

What the heck was that, brain? I would not call that sleep. Unacceptable. And couldn’t you have chosen someone else to dream of? Seriously!

She struggles to take a breath. Crap, it’s already 7. Ah, my head! The pain was throbbing from the sides of her skull and her scalp. She was convinced. Must be from the lack of sleep. After all, four hours of half-sleeping will never be enough for her. But that wasn’t all that gave her the headaches.

Did I really just dream of him twice within the span of four hours? She sighed. After all this time, she was still having recurring nightmares of the one that she thought she would spend the rest of her life with. It’s been a fucking year and three months, brain. You can do better than this. Teamwork; that’s all there is to it. She sighed again. She finds her phone and started typing.

Just dreamt of you. Again. You would think that with the amount of distractions I’ve given myself I’d eventually forget about you and move on. But, no. I’ve actually been doing great so far until last night so you must have still mean a great deal to me. But, you know. Whatevs.

She hits send and got up from her bed, disgruntled and famished.

Cooking is her favourite therapy. Although she wasn’t exactly cooking that morning, she found peace just from spreading butter on slices of baguette, to be toasted in the oven. But, she wasn’t exactly patient either. She left the oven at a slightly higher temperature, which led to a few pieces of burned toasts. Some, with burned sides. Life doesn’t like me right now. I just know it.

Iced tea and burned toasts, not what she had in mind before falling asleep. She anticipated the aroma of freshly brewed coffee, followed by the fluffiness of griddle-pan waffles topped with sunny-side up eggs and bacon on the side, much like her usual favourite – pancakes and eggs. She did get a cup of Sumatra coffee on-the-go from the opposite café upon realizing she had arrived at work on time, but earlier than everyone else. No idea what this is but coffee is coffee. Please love me today.

Her phone buzzed.

Hey. I know things haven’t been easy for you too but holding on to the past is never going to be a good thing. And, no. I’m not the kind of guy with hopes that you still think about me. I hope you can keep moving on and work towards a better life. I know it’s not easy but please try. I wish you the best of luck in anything that you’re going to go through in the future. You always could do it without my help. You’re stronger than you think.

Fuck. Her little heart yells. Her hands shaking, body shivering. Her eyes began brimming, but she managed to gather all the strength that she could muster. After a fucking year? After all that yelling, telling me that you never wanted to talk to me anymore, this is the best that you could say? My messages were left never replied and you never once had the decency to even pick my calls, even if it’s work-related! She never thought his first reply after 10 months of silence would infuriate her. But it did.

She started composing her words in her head. After a couple of breaths, she began typing.

Serious shit, I’m getting emotional Just getting this after one year. Are we seriously becoming strangers, after everything that we’ve been through?? And I’m trying! You know full well that I am. Last night was just….one of those rough nights. But whatevs. Go kick ass in your life too. I still wish I could be in it. Miss you always x

Send. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. THAT IS NOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY. This is going to mess me up all day. Fuck.

She quickly scans through her contact list, looking for a shoulder to cry on. Micah! 

She took a screenshot of their conversation and sends it over to Micah, with a few more messages describing her confused & mixed-feelings situation.

“This is just an illusion, right?”
“I don’t think so. It was pretty heartfelt. But um, I’m going to be driving for about 2 hours with him today. 4, if you include the return trip.”
“Of course the person that I wanna talk to the most about this HAS to be the guy that will be spending time with him!”
“I’ll shut up. I won’t do anything.”
“Could you buy him a bar of Toblerone, though? The white ones. I’d pay you back.”
“Kinda doesn’t go with whatever was in that message, don’t you think?”
“No message. Just a bar of chocolate. He will never figure it’s me.”
“I’ll confuse him with an illusion. I’ll talk to you tonight?”
“Thanks, Mike. I owe you a million. :)”


She sighed. I’m back to reality.

Reality is when she goes back to work, pretending that none of the morning scenes ever happened.

Reality is when she argues with her priorities, and makes a trip down to where she was needed the most, succeeded in fixing other people’s problems but her own.

Reality is crying her eyes out from keeping the emotions in longer than she could hold them, while driving back to her first workplace.

Reality is when she pens her thoughts in lyrical form, feeling lonely in a room full of people, and at the same time loved and cared for by the people that she now calls her new family.

Reality is when her hoodie smells like cigarettes and she wishes that it smells like him instead.

Reality is when she shuts the world out at the end of the night with hopes to return the next day, continuing her services to the people, better than ever.

I really want my waffles though. She muttered, half-asleep.


The last person that said this to me was my own best friend, and I have had enough. Who are *you* to tell me to chill?! I’m not a chill person in the first place! I blame the city life for the less-friendly side of me.

It’s true; the horrifying traffic, running on a schedule almost on a daily basis… Everything around me is a bunch of numbers!

Appointment at 9?
How long does it take for me to get there? 35 minutes.
What time should I start to get ready? 7:30.
Why? Shower – 5 minutes. Getting dressed and makeup – 20 minutes. Walk to the car up to ignition, 5 minutes.
But you’re 25 minutes early! If it’s a new place, I can kill time by checking out the area. If not, coffee!

Welcome to my brain, everybody.

Today was exceptionally different.

all set!

On Tuesdays I travel to Malone’s when I’m not at Laundry. Today I went to Sooka Sentral and Jaya One. Both have the options of taking the public transportations instead of driving. I put Multiply on repeat, put on my earphones, and started walking to the train station. The sun was behind the clouds for the most part, it was lovely. ❤

Except that I was 50 minutes behind time.

I was supposed to be at SS by 9am. I started getting ready only at 8.30am. I had breakfast before that, and then proceeded to the “normal” getting-dressed routine; with slightly more eye makeup and full face foundation (that’s extra 20 minutes). I left the house at nine ten.

Now, usually I’d be in frantic mode by 8.30 itself, but I was like mehhhh…. My next appointment is at 3, I have a lot of time to kill!

I didn’t get started on my work right away when I got to the venue; the supervisor was not on site yet so I chilled for about 10 minutes before he arrived. And then when he showed up, I proceeded with my work, and got done with it in one hour at about 11am.

Right, how am I supposed to kill 4 hours?!


One of the server was kind enough to ask me if I wanted any drink, twice, but I thought coffee would be lovely AFTER I get my job done, as a little reward. So I spent around one hour sipping my delicious cup of cappuccino while going around the social media and listening to more of Multiply. Ah, bliss.

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And then I began to realize that the sky was getting cloudy, and it rained when I arrived at Asia Jaya train station… There was lightning and thunder and strong wind so I mostly stayed indoors. Didn’t wanna get myself wet! :3 The bus arrived about 15 minutes later and I didn’t get off until it stopped at Jaya One’s bus station. Thank God it wasn’t raining as much then, because I would’ve been soaking wet! Running for shelter isn’t as fun when you have your electronics with you. 😦

My entire soul was craving for Mexican food upon arrival, but I did not have that kind of money with me to splurge. I settled with apples, assorted sushi and a bottle of water, cost me only RM6! I comfortably made a sofa bench my temporary territory. Like a dog pissing marking its territory, I spread out my belongings, not giving it even a tiny bit of space for anyone to sit on. Aha.


And then it was time for my last appointment/assignment, and finished it within 30 minutes. Time to go home!

Or not… TimD came by from church and we had late lunch together Marufuku.


He was telling me the other day that he got the church’s guitar’s mechanism and pickup changed, and it sounded amazing! The whole setup + new sets of strings + labor sums up to my budget of getting a new acoustic guitar, so I thought I might give the idea a shot. We went to church right after lunch and spent a good 20 minutes just playing a bunch of songs (mostly mine LOL) and just falling in love with the pickup’s tone over and over. ashfsakjkabvkjb

at one point he rearranged one of my song and i wish we could’ve just recorded it there and then. so beautiful.

And then after that we kidnapped Qian and brought him to One Utama with us! HAHAHAHA (Qian: Eh excuse me. Technically I voluntarily walked myself to the car so no, this is not a kidnap.) (Aww #sad)

more guitars! bkjakjgxvjksgvkjs

We went home soon after. I wanted to buy a dress from Nichii to wear this Sunday but didn’t have the money on me. Sad. 😦

I am now in the comfort of my bed and being proud of myself for actually taking the chill pill. I’ve also chosen not to go for a beer with a fellow musician friend because I have no life lyk dat. 😀 (shout out to the biggest dickhead tonight, if you’re reading this!)

The whole day doesn’t sound like the typical me. I should chill more often. :3