never. enough.


twentyfourOHfive is finally in the works. i now have 2 EPs to complete. lord help me

i have this little habit; to keep myself (or my mind) busy when alone (and feeling lonely) in a crowded space, i do a lot of thinking; what ifs scenarios, new projects, new schedules etc, whatever that comes to mind. it is ironic to feel lonely in a crowded space, but unless things are work-related, i really don’t know how to connect with people. it has always been something that i struggle with for a long time.

i posted a status on facebook, about feeling happy with where i am, while feeling like something is missing. one of my best friends said marriage, the other told me to get a boyfriend. after my last relationship, i don’t know if i could open up to anyone again. not trying to play hard to get or anything but the next (and hopefully last) person to try to win my heart will have to go to great distance for me to be able to surrender my heart to him (cheeeeese).

i have one particular song that explains that broken relationship almost perfectly.

ever since Chrispy posted this song, every part of it still shakes my soul till this day. he wrote about his cheating ex-girlfriend, what i am hearing is me being okay with no efforts towards our relationship, being lied to, empty promises, and even at the end of everything – being okay with ending things just because. in the end i realized that whatever that i was doing, they were never enough for him.

Lyrics (edited to my interpretation):

Verse
Question the purpose,
Of a house that’s made of sand,
Every grain is a memory,
And every breath is a second chance,
The wind he tells me open your eyes,
This is the one for the rest of your life,
The walls I took so long to build
Falls like the autumn,

Bridge
Once, he felt the same,
Once, he used to smile at the thought of me,

Chorus
He takes back everything he said,
And holds on to the voice inside his head,
Said the years they matter,
But they just don’t matter enough,
And honey I don’t believe in our love,
So I’m not gonna try,

Verse 2
Look through science and logic to collide our worn out hands,
There’s a space in me where you used to be and it cries for a second chance,
Yes I know this home isn’t stone, it’s collected hills of sand,
The waves they hit, they hit the shore, and soon you’re forgotten,

End
Once, you used to be in love me,
Now, you’ll find another.

i have a song with a similar title and pretty much different meaning altogether. but, in the end the feeling is just being never enough with what i have.

i mean, what if being in a relationship isn’t the answer, you know? yes, the idea of having the other half is to “complete you” but i have yet to actually experience what it means to be completed by another person (i’ll let this one translate on its own). i’m a little skeptical, simply because it would either take another wrong relationship to ruin this or i’ll just never be satisfied with anything.

i have 2 EPs that i’m working on right now. “The Deeply Mauved Project” and “twentyfourOHfive”. i work 2-5 days a week and have a full day of sleeping and being in bed. i have 2 unread books. 2 songs to finish. tell me what am i missing?

there’s a space in me where you used to be and it cries for a second chance.

my current train of thoughts:

  1. forget socializing. i’m usually the quietest on at the supper table of 6-8 people. but then again, supper always happen after work…. when i’m tired and starving at the same time.
  2. i prefer watching a movie by myself, be it at home or at the cinema. never been the one to ask anybody out because timing is never right. my timing is more predictable because they’re all over the internet.
  3. most people only ever see me at work. and when i’m not working, i’m almost always at home.
  4. i don’t have the time and energy to wait for anyone to make the first move so i’d end up just not meeting anybody in my free time, unless somebody initialize it then i’d almost be down with it.
  5. yeah probably not gonna get a date on my own. ha. forget boyfriend and marriage. (but nuuuu i want at least 2 kids T.T)

sorry besties. i’m not under any circumstances which would allow even a slight of chance of dating someone.

redha.

i’ll be fine. it’s not like work is 100% all bad. I GOT TO MEET GEO, BART AND JOE OF JKFILMS YESTERDAY. HOW’S THAT FOR A CHANGE?! also, i had a food therapy coma which is always a good thing, especially after 4 straight days of work 3 weeks in a row. what da crap, mell no wonder yu got no lyf.

I TOOK A PICTURE WITH GEO. DAY MADE

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I got to meet some of my favorite YouTubers in flesh today. LOOK AT JOE WITH MCDONALD'S HAHA

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BART KWAN EVERYBODY

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Omg @fronterabar's red salsa never disappoints.

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My Guacamole and Bacon burger.

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never said that life isn’t great, y’all. just feeling like something is missing. xx

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