things that i’ve learned so far.

counting down: 1 day before GST.

so, i had an episode with life. nothing major, just some quarter-life crises. *cue laughter*

these kind of things, it’s nothing new to me as there will always be some days where i’m just not feeling ’em. i would doubt myself, be really unforgiving, cursing over my little mistakes… i’d feel so low in life that at times i’d believe there is no way that i could come back up again. and then i just let it be, not wanting to do anything about it.

but that’s when i forget that, while we live in a world that doesn’t practice forgiveness, i am surrounded with patient teachers, supportive friends, and very loving family.

they are never falling short of love, patience, and most importantly, forgiveness. whatever that i have done wrong, they would sternly correct me, but never forgets to let me know that it’s not the end of the world. whatever that i have done right, they won’t just tell me that i’ve done a good job, but to continue doing so until it becomes a part of who i am.

and these lessons were something that i had forgotten to remind myself when i was my lowest.

i had a chance to impart what i learned into my new friends last thursday when they came to visit my work at Laundry. my favourite part about the experience is that when i was teaching the students some tips and tricks, they (the tips) became lightbulb moments to me as i had forgotten about them myself, until i had to talk about them!

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i don’t know if they managed to absorb anything at all but i really hope they did. ha

you see the thing is, everybody is destined to do great things, only if they allow themselves to do so. teaching is a powerful method to raise anybody up; it goes both ends of the spectrum. it is only when you decide to not do anything at all that you stay stagnant. and that’s exactly what happened to me.

i was uninspired. demotivated. sluggish. and i didn’t do anything about it. so i went back to teaching myself and allow myself to soak up new information wherever i go. i push myself to be willing to learn even especially if it is something that is out of my comfort zone and area of expertise. i mean, that’s the whole point, duh!

another thing that i stopped doing was to love everything that i was doing. i forgot why i was doing things. also mostly because i was doing them so much that i got sick and tired of doing it, almost too literally. i could use some break. but was break necessary? not really. maybe. if you really need one.

i just took a step back, remembering why and how i got “this far” in life. i will give credit where it’s due but i mainly just want to remind myself that most if not all of my decisions have lead to my position in life right now, starting from the day when i was really adamant about doing music for a living, without knowing specifically what i could do to contribute to the music scene. i went with my heart.

and while we’re on the topic, i really do want to continue serving the music / entertainment industry. like trying to make life better, i want to provide my time and energy for the greater good of music and its potential. i want to instil passion while still maintain the business sides of things. we are all coexisting, and there is no reason why we should work without the other. sharing is caring, and being selfish does not get you anywhere in life. fact.

there is still a lot to learn. i think that is the challenging part of living when you’re so busy working, that you forget to take time to learn. not being able to make time for me will always be an excuse. easier said than done, but when it is done, it automatically becomes a fulfilment. so off to learning i will!


i did a quick/rough recording and mixing with some of my friends from ICOM the other day. not a bad mix after being away from “studio mixing” for almost a year. though i was actually mixing it on a M50x XD

also, my singing has gotten a lot better! yay me! but i still need to work on my crowd interaction and facial expressions. HELP

this beautiful picture was shot and edited by the ever so talented and wonderful, Albert Ng of! he so awesome.


as you can see i took some editing into my own hands….(scroll back up. ha)

i’ve been getting a lot of incredible work opportunities lately and i’m just super happy that in these opportunities i get to work on my strengths and weaknesses a lot. hopefully i can keep up with this little fire in me even when the GST comes. 2 more weeks until i give myself a week’s worth of rest, and then i’m back on my roller-coaster life!


be depressed with me: GST

this girl cannot afford food adventures anymore. she cries.

right. food adventures are hardly expensive tbh. because most places charge up to 16% per bill for service tax and GST will only be 6% on selected item. but that’s not the issue here; we are getting charged for service tax and very soon we will also be charged with goods tax as well, that’s when most things becomes 6% more expensive and when you sum it all up, bye-bye food adventures. *heart shatters into pieces*

important information about GST: (to read more, click here)

The basic fundamental of GST is its self-policing features which allow the businesses to claim their Input tax credit by way of automatic deduction in their accounting system. This eases the administrative procedures on the part of businesses and the Government. Thus, the Government’s delivery system will be further enhanced.
We need to pay taxes so that the government can finance socio-economic development; which includes providing infrastructure, education, welfare, healthcare, national security etc.
GST shall be levied and charged on the taxable supply of goods and services made in the course or furtherance of business in Malaysia by a taxable person. GST is also charged on the importation of goods and services.
A taxable supply is a supply which is standard rated or zero rated. Exempt and out of scope supplies are not taxable supplies. GST is to be levied and charged on the value of the supply.
GST is proposed to replace the current consumption tax i.e. the sales tax and service tax (SST). The introduction of GST is part of the Government’s tax reform programmed to enhance the efficiency and effectiveness of the existing taxation system.
GST is proven to be a better tax system as it is more effective, efficient, transparent and business friendly and could spur economic growth as well as increase competitiveness in the global market.
Standard-rated supplies are goods and services that are charged GST with a standard rate. GST is collected by the businesses and paid to the government. They can recover credit back on their inputs. If their input tax is bigger than their output tax, they can recover back the difference.

These are taxable supplies that are subject to a zero rate. Businesses are eligible to claim input tax credit in acquiring these supplies, and charge GST at zero rate to the consumer.

These are non-taxable supplies that are not subject to GST. Businesses are not eligible to claim input tax credit in acquiring these supplies, and cannot charge output tax to the consumer.

Supplies made by the Government are generally treated as out of scope supplies. No GST will be imposed on the supply made by the Federal Government and State Government such as healthcare services provided by hospital and clinic, education services by primary and secondary school including tertiary education, issuance of passport by the Immigration Department, issuance of licences and permits by the Road Transport Department and etc.

now, how does GST affect me? I WILL GIVE YOU A LIST.

  1. technology. BECAUSE my phone, macbook pro, and ipad are for work!!
  2. toiletries!!!!
  3. makeup. SIGH
  4. sanitary pads. DO I EVEN NEED TO EXPLAIN?!
  5. car wash. okay la this one not so bad, but still.
  6. food adventures.
  7. books and DVDs.
  9. MOVIES.
  10. GROCERIES (not me, but my mom). BECAUSE there’s 6 of us in the family. Thankfully fruits and vegetables are exempted. (more info here)

what is zero-rated/exempted?

  1. fruits and vegetables
  2. panadol (PHEW)
  3. chicken, garlic, and onions. rice, cooking oil, salt, ginger, EGGS, PORK (KAY CAN SURVIVE LIAO)
  4. white/wholemeal bread
  5. petrol!!!
  6. COFFEE AND TEAAAAAA (under dry goods la. like, not the hipster cafes one)
  7. utilities! like water supply, electricity
  8. healthcare services
  9. school fees / educational services
  10. public transport services and TOLL

okay la. the only think i need to stock up is sanitary pads and makeup. i might get a new phone as my current one is slowly dying on me. other than that, if i just stay at home on my off days i think i can survive the GST. like, i don’t want to think that i’m not affected that badly as i’m still living with my parents and have my own income and all, but i’m not home more than half the time and eating out is a must for me due to the nature of my work (long hours, always running around with little time for breaks in between).

so now if you guys want to survive GST, know what affects you the most. plan around your needs and do so monthly with your income. parents especially will need to take note of:

  1. baby needs, if you have infant(s)/toddlers in your family
  2. stationeries for schooling kids. school uniforms too.
  3. toiletries for the family (soap, toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo etc)
  4. tuition fees.
  5. haircuts for your kids.
  6. new baju and seluar for your growing kids!!

if you need to stock up anything, do so now. my mom just stocked up white paper for printing. i have yet to do my part. ngerh.

how la like this, right? like that lorh. everyone is wishing and hoping that we won’t have GST. but you know what, educate yourself about what can and cannot be done, plan your meals/travels etc., and survive one week at a time. the rich may continue to be richer but we middle class people must learn how to be smart!! GAMBATEHHHHHHH

here’s to wishing everyone the best in their GSTcalypse survival skills!!

dear self:

sometimes a journey isn’t all about the view
sometimes you don’t like what you see around you
exhausting as it can get, working hard and getting little rest
you spend more time recovering than you do appreciating

maybe a journey isn’t all about the view
maybe you don’t have to like what you see around you
while the world is spinning, you as a human are ever changing
so don’t be afraid, remember to take a deep breath

fill your mind with beautiful thoughts
remember that you only ever deserve so much
the irony of feeling lonely in a space filled with souls
won’t help if you choose to feel like you’re alone

growing up will always be constant
and making choices isn’t really a choice
a simple rule to follow: make it once, make it right
you’ll get them right for the rest of your life

but don’t be afraid to make mistakes
scabs are just reminders of your faithful steps
as the night falls and you look back on your day
just be thankful that you made it back to your bed

heartbreaks only mean getting new adventures
only when you’re willing to be courageous
take heart, take flight, spread your wings in this world
touch lives, leave footprints, be the person you’d be proud of.

never. enough.

twentyfourOHfive is finally in the works. i now have 2 EPs to complete. lord help me

i have this little habit; to keep myself (or my mind) busy when alone (and feeling lonely) in a crowded space, i do a lot of thinking; what ifs scenarios, new projects, new schedules etc, whatever that comes to mind. it is ironic to feel lonely in a crowded space, but unless things are work-related, i really don’t know how to connect with people. it has always been something that i struggle with for a long time.

i posted a status on facebook, about feeling happy with where i am, while feeling like something is missing. one of my best friends said marriage, the other told me to get a boyfriend. after my last relationship, i don’t know if i could open up to anyone again. not trying to play hard to get or anything but the next (and hopefully last) person to try to win my heart will have to go to great distance for me to be able to surrender my heart to him (cheeeeese).

i have one particular song that explains that broken relationship almost perfectly.

ever since Chrispy posted this song, every part of it still shakes my soul till this day. he wrote about his cheating ex-girlfriend, what i am hearing is me being okay with no efforts towards our relationship, being lied to, empty promises, and even at the end of everything – being okay with ending things just because. in the end i realized that whatever that i was doing, they were never enough for him.

Lyrics (edited to my interpretation):

Question the purpose,
Of a house that’s made of sand,
Every grain is a memory,
And every breath is a second chance,
The wind he tells me open your eyes,
This is the one for the rest of your life,
The walls I took so long to build
Falls like the autumn,

Once, he felt the same,
Once, he used to smile at the thought of me,

He takes back everything he said,
And holds on to the voice inside his head,
Said the years they matter,
But they just don’t matter enough,
And honey I don’t believe in our love,
So I’m not gonna try,

Verse 2
Look through science and logic to collide our worn out hands,
There’s a space in me where you used to be and it cries for a second chance,
Yes I know this home isn’t stone, it’s collected hills of sand,
The waves they hit, they hit the shore, and soon you’re forgotten,

Once, you used to be in love me,
Now, you’ll find another.

i have a song with a similar title and pretty much different meaning altogether. but, in the end the feeling is just being never enough with what i have.

i mean, what if being in a relationship isn’t the answer, you know? yes, the idea of having the other half is to “complete you” but i have yet to actually experience what it means to be completed by another person (i’ll let this one translate on its own). i’m a little skeptical, simply because it would either take another wrong relationship to ruin this or i’ll just never be satisfied with anything.

i have 2 EPs that i’m working on right now. “The Deeply Mauved Project” and “twentyfourOHfive”. i work 2-5 days a week and have a full day of sleeping and being in bed. i have 2 unread books. 2 songs to finish. tell me what am i missing?

there’s a space in me where you used to be and it cries for a second chance.

my current train of thoughts:

  1. forget socializing. i’m usually the quietest on at the supper table of 6-8 people. but then again, supper always happen after work…. when i’m tired and starving at the same time.
  2. i prefer watching a movie by myself, be it at home or at the cinema. never been the one to ask anybody out because timing is never right. my timing is more predictable because they’re all over the internet.
  3. most people only ever see me at work. and when i’m not working, i’m almost always at home.
  4. i don’t have the time and energy to wait for anyone to make the first move so i’d end up just not meeting anybody in my free time, unless somebody initialize it then i’d almost be down with it.
  5. yeah probably not gonna get a date on my own. ha. forget boyfriend and marriage. (but nuuuu i want at least 2 kids T.T)

sorry besties. i’m not under any circumstances which would allow even a slight of chance of dating someone.


i’ll be fine. it’s not like work is 100% all bad. I GOT TO MEET GEO, BART AND JOE OF JKFILMS YESTERDAY. HOW’S THAT FOR A CHANGE?! also, i had a food therapy coma which is always a good thing, especially after 4 straight days of work 3 weeks in a row. what da crap, mell no wonder yu got no lyf.


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I got to meet some of my favorite YouTubers in flesh today. LOOK AT JOE WITH MCDONALD'S HAHA

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Omg @fronterabar's red salsa never disappoints.

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My Guacamole and Bacon burger.

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never said that life isn’t great, y’all. just feeling like something is missing. xx

Quarter-life Crisis

one good thing upon learning about this is that, i might just live up to 80 years old. 

so yesterday i was watching a video by Anna Akana and her friend Kalel. they were talking about the reasons why they can’t stay single, despite making a public announcement about their commitments to stay single for a year. or at least, i knew about Anna’s, and sure enough, a few months after that, we, the viewers, started seeing more of her current boyfriend in her videos and so people were starting to wonder if she was ever serious with her earlier commitment to stay single.

i’m just gonna assume that she made this video to explain all that.

last night, i was working at the bee jaya one for the feedback open mic. like most open mics, besides just simply setting up and do rough mixes during the performances, you don’t really get to do much. the job is more on the passive side and i can get bored at times. a friend moved his seat to the one behind me and said something along the lines of, “it must get pretty lonely sometimes doing this kind of job. reading a book would just seem so unprofessional.”

i was thinking more of the nature of my line of work, and what he said is true. sure, reading a book or going through your phone doesn’t seem professional, but i can’t help it if i need something to fill up my mind that aren’t exactly the mental pictures that i would feed myself from time to time when i am alone with them. and that, exactly is what happened when i was driving back home after work at 1.30am.

you see, i blame my last relationship for whatever that i am feeling and going through in my life now. i have stopped tolerating bullshit. if it is not worth my time, i would drop everything and move on to another. i will only care more about myself – my strengths and weaknesses – while spending time with the people who would actually cared. i have no space for the people who i don’t vibe for pure chemistry reasons, but would still be opened to actually trying to socialize if i have the will to.

no, it’s not that i don’t like you. if we don’t vibe, we don’t vibe.

my heart breaks have seen more adventures than i’ll ever do on my own… but they carry an extend of circumstances. and that’s the thing. ever since my last relationship failed, i’ve been constantly filling up my little empties with things that i thought could fulfil me. i have let myself to constantly be busy and distracted so i don’t have to attend to the little holes in my heart. my 2015 goals are basically “things to do in 2015 so you don’t get bored with life”.

i don’t know what i want, and that is as honest as i can get at this point of time. but i do know what i don’t want – feeling lonely. feeling like i have no shoulder to cry on. feeling like no matter what i do, it will never be enough. these are simply not the best kinds of feelings to have and i just don’t like them.

is it really quarter-life crisis? maybe. to some extend.

i’m in this awkward stage of life. even more so awkward than being a teen. a lot of my friends acquaintances are in their final year/semester of college and here i am, a full on working adult with responsibilities. i know what i love doing and it is something that i will never have to change in the long run. but i’m just highly dissatisfied with where i am in life. this is, no doubt, a dilemma.

it’s really funny though; just last week uncle cliff was telling me that my life has been a lot more interesting since my days of working full time in two establishments. i will admittedly say that i am a lot happier now that i have full control of my life, steering it however and when i want, wherever i want to go. but something is missing, and i don’t know what!

do i need a boyfriend? i don’t know. a week after my birthday these year, i would have been single for 2 years. can i really be the strong, independent woman who i have set out to be? i don’t know. i mean, i still dream of getting married at 24 and having a pair of twins by 26 with a career path that i know i will always be happy with. so “need” may not be the word that would associate with my current disposition. it’s more of want.

but i don’t want to feel like i’m dependent on someone. eew pls.

and then there’s my constant/on-going agitation when it comes to failing and making the wrong decisions in life. what ifs. too many what ifs.

what if i’m just so bad at socializing i will never get better? what if i’m actually bad at what i’m doing but everybody is too kind to tell me? what if i become forever alone and will never be content with my life?


i’m also bored of my friends. don’t take this out of context – i love them to death! – but there comes a time (and a lot of it these days) where i feel like i’d rather be alone, or have only one specific person that i can have deeper conversations with every now and then and my former partner was exactly that person. but you know, people have their own shit to deal with, and so i really hate being a burden to anybody. BUT, it’s always nice to have someone who you can just (conceptually)  crawl up to, lie on their lap and being able to share the silence without feeling awkward, at the same time, able to talk about just anything.

i need my person. need. yes, that’s one thing that i know that i will always need.

will road trips/travelling cure everything? i don’t know. and i will never know because i will never have the kind of funds to go anywhere further than KL on my own. i have made a travel itinerary for when i get to go to Singapore, but everything is just getting so expensive these days the last thing that i wanna do is to burden my parents for extra funds. saving for emergency funds is much more of a priority and necessity these days. you’ll never know what’s going to happen.

and yet i envy those who have the privileges opportunities to travel outside of Malaysia.

when i was in my early teens, i had a bio book where i had requested every one of my friends to write their bio down so i could get to know them better and faster. in one of the page, my friend Jalani wrote his favourite quote in his native tongue, “life is like a white canvas. it is up to you to colour however you want”. at this point, i don’t know what i want to do as i’ve already done most of what i’ve wanted to do. i have my creative outlet(s) and my friends who would always support me, things that i wished i had when i was in college. so, how else can i paint my white canvas?

that’s it. that’s the big question. knowing that i have what i have always wanted to have but not knowing where to go next. i’m happy, but just feeling a little on the dissatisfaction side of life.

maybe i’m just thinking too much.

28 things I learned about myself in February

because february has 28 days.

1. I love Saturday Afternoon’s music. Like, a lot.

2. I can see both white and gold, and blue and black in the #thedress picture. But not on command.

3. My love for food will live long and prosper. (Also, Leonard Nimoy passed away 2 days ago.)

4. I learn to appreciate my mornings more. Gets me feeling extra productive.

5. I miss playing music with my friends.

6. I love me some bak kwa. Thanks to Chinese New Year. omnomnomnom

7. I allow myself to play as hard as I work. “Work hard, play hard.”

8. I love spending time with my family. I’m away from home a wee bit too much on a daily basis, so being able to spend time with them is a big deal.

9. I’ve reached the age where I think my parents are a very cool bunch of people. HA

10. My friend Melissa introduced me to the beautiful world of Granola Geeks. Still obsessing on their granola!

11. 4-7 days of human interaction (work and play) tires me out. I can spend the next day sleeping. No joke.

12. But when I am working, I absorb all the positive energy around me. And when I’m done, I just crash. Sore all over.

13. I love discovering new bands and new music.

14. I can set up Laundry’s indoor stage under 45 minutes….when I’m late.

15. Japanese food have taken a special in my heart, after jalapeños.

16. Tea is my best friend. Perfect for all occasions.

17. My laptop is very important for my work. Efficiency is never on the line with this one.

18. I still love teaching people on working around their means and surroundings. It’s a great reminder that not everything can follow our way.

19. My current life goal: Work until you no longer have to introduce yourself.

20. Playing 20 questions with someone can either be easy, hard, boring or interesting. Ultimately, it stresses me out. HELP

21. I can miss someone so much to the point of tearing up.

22. Learning that “… you can’t just write and release music. You need to push your way through or you’ll get lost in the sea of other tracks.” I’m releasing my EP soon plus other things related to my music, and I don’t know how to be different.

23. Imagining a conversation that will likely happen = learning more about myself than I will ever realize. To forgive or to let go is the question.

24. Being aware VS Worrying. Knowing this can help you prioritize tremendously. Worrying doesn’t help as much. I’m happy to know that I learn to be aware more than I allow myself to worry!

25. Each time my heart is broken it makes me feel more adventurous. – Frank O’hara. Yes, heartbreak at its best state. Make me angry and I will prove to you wrong MUAHAHAHA.

26. The Bulb Coffee is my new favourite place.

27. The funniest thing I’ve said (in my humble opinion):

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28. The most poetic thing I’ve said (AGAIN, in my most humble opinion):

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Bonus: Here’s a discussion between Jenn Thompson and JD Wong on my question – Covers vs Originals. Always great to learn from the industry sifus!!

Twitter thread:
Twitter thread:

Last January I discovered “Drown” by Bring Me the Horizon. In February I discovered The Fridays, a local rock band.


I’ve wanted to do a monthly favourites kind of post. This is not one of it but it does feature some of my favourites so far. I’m loving the way life has laid itself out for me so far and I’m not planning to rest anytime soon. Life has just begun and I want to do as much as I can while living it.

Here’s my first self-portrait to welcome March!