am I living with ADHD?


i am blogging because right when i was about to fall asleep, my brain decided to wake me up and asks “so, how do you get diagnosed for ADHD in KL?”. argh darn that apple.

i’m not gonna be all serious about this nor do i intend on actually going to see a specialist. i actually don’t quite remember exactly/correctly how my childhood was, so i can only speak from my experience from the past 3 years – college days, until now.

let’s start with a video from a guy that has ADHD himself – ryan higa.

example 1: remembering names
i always tell people that i suck at names. not gonna lie, unless we’re gonna work with each other more or you’re a familiar face in the scene, until the next time i see you, your name will be out of my memory palace. i had a little habit of blocking out whatever that’s unimportant……most of the time. ha but i do have a knack for remembering directions!

example 2: reading
okay, i LOVE reading; no question about that. but my brain tends to travel elsewhere in the middle of a chapter which makes me go back a couple times (or more) just so i don’t miss out any details of the storyline just because i don’t understand how i get that far. in fact, let’s talk about writing. i can write this halfway through and type word for word what i wanna type but my brain would instruct my fingers to type something else. i actually typed “time” when i meant to type “type” a few words ago. gah. i love doing maths though! (wait, what) (now this is where i’d start proofreading after a really long paragraph.)

following reading & writing, i have a bad habit of daydreaming while driving as well that so many times when i had snapped out of it, i’d ask myself “ummmmm how did i get here? SAFELY?????”. but research do suggests that people with ADHD tend to drive recklessly (and possibly get into accidents from time to time). yikes.

example 3: conversations
NOPE. i suck at paying attention to conversations from beginning till the end. if you hear me say “ahuh” or “meh” or “oh well” “i don’t know” or whatever responses that doesn’t really relate to whatever that you’re saying, chances are, i didn’t pay attention. i’m sorry! i’m working on it! i remember when i was in a relationship with my last boyfriend, he’d always complaint that i would forget the things that he’d told me or that i wasn’t paying attention. ha! i guess that’s why we parted ways looooool. but seriously though, bear with me if i have problems keeping up with you. 😉

example 4: sitiing/standing still or just being still in general
nobody has ever told me to stop moving or whatever, but i can’t keep my feet from tapping, legs from dancing, head from bobbing, and hands from drumming. i mean for starters i love music so there’s no stopping me in that but i cannot sit still. i remember my mom dad were always telling me that when i was younger, i’d never wanna sit still in the car. i’d stand in the gap between the two front seats, with excuse saying “i want to see the cars!” hahahah. i still do. being short that i am, if i can sit in the front seat, i’d go for it. but i guess that’s a whole different thing altogether lol.

i love my phone though. you can’t take that away from me. hah!

example 5: time travelling
i cannot deny that i have a special talent in time-wasting. i mean, let’s talk about my life now – i work from 3pm-2am 4 days a week. i’d try to wake up at 8am everyday so i don’t feel like i had just wasted the whole day sleeping in (even though my body probably needs it more lol). and will you look at the clock…..12:33pm!

i should also add that in every bit of success in my work that i can do on my laptop, i’d give myself a reason to check facebook. “oh scrolling takes only ten seconds. my fingers could use the break from all that typing. psshhh” *10 seconds later* “wtf how did i lose 2 hours???? shit i need to get this done ASAP.”

yeah.

example 6: remembering to smile
okay, in addition to not being able to keep up, i have been blessed with a bitchy rest face, so if i’m not smiling i can promise you i do NOT intend on killing you. i’m not suarez nor do i have the interest to dispose a dead body. i just…forget to smile sometimes.

example 7: keeping self busy while taking calls
this isn’t so bad. i already suck at conversations and phone calls tend to be more important than an actual conversation so i’d try my very best to drio everything and pay attention to what the other end is trying to tell me. i’d repeat the details, ask for confirmation, and then end it. that’s why i love texting more. word for word, less miscom.

example 8: the most productive closer to deadlines
hahahaha yes. i could plan up to hours before an event start and yet during soundcheck or mock rundown things get changed and i improve. i don’t even bother looking at my notes anymore. (okay not the best example). but i do work best under pressure; it just tires me out faster / more.

COLLEGE – i had rather use up my time to focus on other things like studying and practicing than to just focus on my assignment up until the week it is due. or at least before that. ha

example 9: picking out a dish from a menu
sometimes this is the exact reason why i find going to a new place to eat is a chore to me; i’d have to find my new favourite. if not, i’d order what my friends order unless i find something that i’m more familiar with. waiters, however, are good at making me feel under pressured sometimes. (kidding! i’m very good friends with a lot of waiters. thankfully these days waiters wouldn’t come to you unless you’re ready to order. 😀 )

anyone would like to challenge my test bud? you’ll have to be a special one to make me agree to this. aaaahhhhh

example 10: a pile of incomplete tasks
yea i had a lot of these problem back when i was in ICOM. there were too many new things to learn that they overwhelmed me most of the time. i carry a planner with me nowadays and i’ve been training myself to keep a checklist every now and then. i’m getting better and my mom has been asking me to teach her, which means i’m right on track! (ironically, i’ve yet to teach my mom how i do my journaling LOLZ)

example 11: leaving the room only to come back with everything else but the one thing that you need
okay, i used to have this problem. i’m not completely over it but bottom line is all these syndromes that indicate the possibility of having ADHD kinda tires me out after all these years. for this problem, i’m not so bad when i’m in a working mode. i’d tried to leave the room with one goal – to come back with what i need. i would sort of chant in my head the thing that i need, making sure that i have it, before leaving the space. i mean, place. yea. it’s still an ongoing training.

example 12: looking for your phone when your phone is in your….hand.
hah! just last night i freaked out a little bit saying that i had lost my torch light when it was just right in front of me. what am i, blind?! can’t shake this one.

example 13: not sure if you just came downstairs or about to go up.
nooooot really, but i have come across me getting frustrated for coming down stairs when i had decided to go upstairs. silly brain.

example 14: forcing self to burp to remember what was lunch
i have asked myself a few times if i had eaten or what i had. i’m always hungry so it’s a struggle. however, i cannot force myself to burp. i don’t have that gift.

example 15: thinking
lately i notice that i can talk really fast (and understand people that talk fast.) i could explain to you things from a to z and then bit my tongue and then complaint about it and come back to where i had left of and then give myself comments on what i just said and have opinions over like literally i could go on in my own world that sometimes i’d forget what i was just talking about and goes “so yeah” before i stopped talking. my mind is a wanderer.

example 16: texting
everyone, i’ve never gotten drunk before. if we text a lot and you’ve encounter some kind of drunk texting, it’s just my brain getting interference from the nearby source.

(it’s been half an hour since the last timestamp.)

example 17: memorized a phone number but the sound of the keypad distracted you and you lost all contacts of your memory palace.
my every day life. when i try to remember a line from a movie or a phrase from a conversation and i wanna type it out to share it (aka tweet/post on facebook), everything around me alters my memory and usually i’d end up giving up just from trying to remember it.

example 18: wasting shampoo from overthinking in the shower.
i’ve taught myself to daydream elsewhere but the shower. also because i share the same bathroom with 3 other siblings so we can’t afford to buy a lot of shampoo all the time lol.

example 19: can’t work in groups.
i either work better/faster on my own, or i’m the leader. sorry guys, you’re just going to have to bear with me.

example 20: the amount of reminders everywhere
sticky notes, alarms, calendar events….been there. still training my memory palace to get the hang of this.

example 21: awkward silences when talking to people.
ryan mentioned forgetting what he’s saying mid sentences, which i kinda already talk about. but between you and i and our conversation and suddenly dropping it, my brain is probably getting bored trying to keep up with you or it has wandered elsewhere. i swear i’m not trying to be rude!

example 22: very indecisive.
lately i’m slowly trying to not waste time, and it’s funny because making decisions under a pressured amount of time is hard, but once i know what i want or need, it’s hard for me to choose otherwise.

example 23: every other thought leads to another thought
already explained ^

yea i’m getting bored and hungry just typing this for almost an hour. lol

anyways, even if i do have adhd, i’m not gonna use that to defend my incapability. i mean, i’ve gotten better the past one year and if i can just keep that up i’ll be able to do my job even better for sure. can’t say i have all the answers in the world, but at least i have answers for myself.

time to get ready for work. too many words ; too lazy to proofread.

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Author: melinya

one day, i wanna wake up, pack my stuff and just go on a random trip.

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