would you consider yourself as an inspiration?


(one of the) things to do after my finals.

i am genuinely surprised by the fact that my mom “liked” this post of me stating that i wanna dedicate my time doing what i used to do every time i’d procrastinate from studying for my SPM: writing. songs, poems; a pencil and pieces of paper, and sometimes, with my guitar or sitting by the piano… i never took the time to study, and you’d never miss the chances of me singing my heart out.

coming to ICOM not only made me feel like i could finally fit in, but the fact that i can finally do what i’ve always loved doing – that is, making music – i realized i wouldn’t be able to turn back now. ever. as my schedules gradually became tighter and tighter, i tried my best to juggle everything. hard as it was trying to have a balance within myself emotionally, physically and mentally, i made sure that i also try to make the best out of everything.

this is my final semester in ICOM. each and every time i tell someone that, the usual respond would be “oh, so what are you gonna do after that?”

frankly, i don’t know. or at least, i didn’t know. for the time being, i know what i want; i’m only waiting for it to be approved. until then, i’ll just keep my hopes high. my feels may be wrong, but i’m pretty sure i don’t need a backup plan. if i am wrong anyway, i know my current part-time workplace would always be opened for me other than the weekend, but i’d love to venture more.

back to my question: would you, honestly from the bottom of your heart, consider yourself as an inspiration?

i would. simply because i am not the same person as i was before.

that being said, i went on a trip down memory lane tonight: the days of YouTube and massive songwriting; also known as Pre & Post SPM. i used to procrastinate as much as writing new originals, learning some new cheesy pop songs and recording videos for YouTube that my mom wouldn’t stop nagging about until she sees me studying. those were definitely the days. (now you know why i’m genuinely surprised.)

tonight i learned a lot of things. my list of top 3:


1. this video has the highest number of views: 11K. and it’s mine. MY. VIDEO. i don’t think i, OR ANYONE, would ever believe that a person can reach 100 views unless you spam people with it. let alone eleven thousand. (deliberately writing out and bolding 11K in words just so you realize how big that number is.) (also, doing covers is the key to your starting point in music *cough cough*)

2. i’ve never realized that i used to write, like, a lot. mostly blogging, but when i’m really into it, i’m really into it. back then, it never felt like it was enough, and so each time i start writing, i’d never stop. as cheesy and/or lame my stuff were, i was really content. satisfied. complete. and i wanna pamper myself just drowning in thoughts where it doesn’t matter whether or not i overdo it, simply because i love doing it.

my old blog: a poem about me having doubts of not being able to do music for the rest of my life.
my original song: oh how i used to whine a lot. aha aha aha

3. i’m a musician. why i am always denying it, i don’t know. but i am one. this video is a cover of me playing Ours by Taylor Swift.

as a dear friend would say “there is a fine line between a person who can play music and a person who is a musician”. 

i’m not saying that i’m a good pianist; there are a lot of really good pianists and guitarists and bassists and drummers (basically all the instruments that i can sort of play), but it takes a certain level of maturity, commitment and discipline (not to mention confidence!) to be able to play like a real musician. i can deliver that. and if i’d take the time to actually learn, whether it is to build chemistry with my friends, new ways of writing songs, or even be open-minded when it comes to other genres, i’d be a better musician than any self-proclaimed musicians. not to be vain or anything, but — everyone can pick up an instrument and learn how to play it, but not everyone can be a good musician. it takes a great effort to grow into one. for that dear friend of mine to remind me that i am a musician, shows how much i tend to see myself differently. and maybe, just maybe, he is right.

i wanna make music with a bunch of friends. just for the fun of it. but like, seriously serious kind of fun. i should start planning ahead of time. 😀

i am only 19. i don’t wanna rush things. sometimes i just wanna turn back time and relive some moments, but i can never move on if i keep going back. for that, i will go on a retreat. time off my schedule and let myself fall in love with music all over again. a day is more than enough to let myself wander around and just be inspired, for the sake of me.

my old self inspired me to do a lot of things tonight. but, first thing’s first: finals. *sigh* wish me luck! i want to graduate so bad! x

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